Is rudeness increasing in America?

When my daughter and granddaughter visited recently, we spent a day at the zoo. It was packed with families enjoying time together before the kids went back to school. We sat in the warm sun eating cheese curds and waiting for the sea lion show to begin. The two tiers of seating filled up a half hour prior to the show, but in the last minutes before the start, a group of children filed in and stood at the railing, completely blocking the view of those who were seated behind them.

As the show began, a voice over the loudspeaker asked those standing at the railings to sit down. When the children didn’t move, a woman seated behind them with a young girl in a wheelchair asked them politely to leave the railing. All but two complied, so the woman gently guided the boy and girl off to the side. Immediately, another woman, apparently the mother of the two children, shoved them back to the railing, glaring at those who were seated.

That same day, my daughter and granddaughter were waiting to get on a ride at a small amusement park when a couple and their daughter barged in front of them. “Excuse me,” my daughter said, “but you have to wait your turn.” The mother snapped back, “We were here first!”

My daughter protested, explaining that she and her daughter had been standing in line for over an hour, and it was the first time she had even seen these people. Others waiting in line agreed with her, but the couple uttered a few nasty remarks and pushed their daughter forward so she would be first to board the ride.

On a flight to California several years ago, a young boy kicked the back of my seat the entire four hours. When the flight attendant confronted the boy’s father, he said he’d paid full price for his son’s ticket, so he could do whatever he wanted.

These parents taught their children the lesson that inconsiderate, selfish behavior will get them what they want. It’s no wonder that 79% of Americans say lack of respect and courtesy is a serious problem in this country, and 84% blame parents.

Some argue that the lack of religious upbringing has contributed to the rudeness so pervasive in today’s society. Yet look at the discourteous and belligerent behavior of the right-wingers who yell, shout, and jeer during the health care town meetings, drowning out any civilized discussion. Is this really the way Christians are taught to behave?

The erosion of civility in our everyday life has elevated simple acts of thoughtfulness to nearly heroic levels. A recent Today Show segment sent a young woman, who appeared to be pregnant, out onto the streets of New York City laden with large shopping bags. Although many ignored her when she dropped her bags, one older man in a cowboy hat offered to carry them for her. When asked why he stopped to help, he replied, “It doesn’t cost anything to be nice.”

I live in a suburb of Minneapolis, and often hear the term “Minnesota Nice.” However, there was no trace of this niceness years ago when my car broke down on a bridge during rush hour on a sweltering summer day. Even though the drivers who sped by could see my 5-month-old grandson in the car, not one of them stopped. It was nearly an hour before a tow truck happened by and charged an outrageous fee to help us.

Yet when I had a flat tire during rush hour outside Fort Worth, Texas, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car before a young man in a pickup came to my rescue. Although I told him I had AAA, he changed the tire himself and refused to take the money I offered him for his trouble. I’m sure he was late for work.

I’ve been known to perform random acts of kindness on occasion, but I know I’ve been rude at times, usually in response to rudeness from someone else. A young man in our neighborhood sets his car stereo volume so high it rattles the windows in our house. On several occasions I’ve used a common expletive when explaining I have my own musical tastes and they weren’t his.

Rudeness is not merely annoying, it can actually harm us. Researchers have shown that simply witnessing one person being rude to another may stunt creativity, impair mental performance, and decrease civility. There’s not too much we can do about another person’s rudeness, other than letting them know we object to it. However, we must do so in a polite, courteous manner so as to promote mutual respect.

As Bill Watterson, the creator of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes, said: “A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”